


You're Still a Mystery

by thehumancondition



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Insecure Bucky Barnes, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Stubborn Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 21:31:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14860661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehumancondition/pseuds/thehumancondition
Summary: Despite how much of a crush Bucky has on Steve, he won’t tell him about his metal arm. It’s turned people away in the past and he doesn’t want to lose Steve. When Steve accidentally walks into Bucky’s room and sees it, Bucky pushes him away. Steve is stubborn and won’t let him.





	You're Still a Mystery

Bucky and Steve met through a mutual friend who insisted they’d be a great match. Despite how much Bucky hates blind dates and being a pawn in a matchmaking game, he had to thank his friend. He hit it off with Steve within ten minutes of their first date which was a little over a month ago.

That means Bucky’s been able to hide his metal arm from Steve for that long. Luckily he had an excuse to wear long sleeves and gloves since it was December. He knew he’d have to tell Steve eventually, especially if they became official. He was so worried Steve would be disgusted and leave him like all of the guys in the past.

“You know, it’s been more than a month and we’ve still never seen each other’s places,” Steve said one night as they were walking to the movies. “Are you trying to get in my pants Rogers?” Bucky teased. Steve blushed and became flustered, “I uh, I just mean I want to see your place. And I want you to see mine. If you’re comfortable with that.”

Bucky felt his heart rate pick up as he looked down at his arm. Steve never questioned why he wore gloves all the time, he didn’t know if it was personal. In fact, he thought it was kind of cute. He thought everything about Bucky was cute. He worried Bucky was hiding something from him though because he never invited Steve into his apartment despite the number of times he’s walked him home. He was also slightly nosey. 

“Yeah, that sounds nice. How about tonight you come over? I actually need help decorating for Christmas,” Bucky offered. Steve tried to hide his excitement. “I’d love that.” Bucky smiled to try and hide how anxious he was feeling. He couldn’t even properly enjoy the movie because his mind wandered to all of the ways this could go wrong. It was bound to happen eventually, but he didn’t want to lose Steve yet.

They walked back to Bucky’s after the movie and he felt his nausea worsen the closer they got. “You’re quiet, is everything okay?” Steve asked. Bucky nodded, “I’m alright.” “We don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable, I don’t want to pressure you.” Despite Bucky’s nerves, he told Steve it was fine and he was okay with it.

He tried to hide his shaking hand as he unlocked his front door. He let Steve go in first and Steve was in awe. Bucky had a decently big apartment despite living alone. His apartment was filled with pictures and had a darker color scheme to it. Steve loved it, it fit Bucky so well. “I really like your place,” he complimented.

“Thanks. I hope you don’t think all of these pictures are weird.” Steve shook his head as he walked around and looked at them all. “Gosh, you’ve always been cute,” Steve said as he stopped in front of some younger pictures of Bucky. He blushed at Steve’s words. “You’re one to talk,” he replied before kissing his cheek causing Steve to now blush.

“I’m gonna go change into something more comfortable and then we can decorate,” Bucky said. He went into his room and Steve continued to look at all of Bucky’s pictures. Bucky took his shirt off in the other room and sighed when he saw his arm. He inspected it and wondered if he should even bother covering it up. It was a part of him now, but that didn’t mean Bucky stopped being insecure about it.

Before he could make his mind up, he heard his door open and Steve gasp. “What the hell?” Bucky said angrily. Steve didn’t mean to stare, but he couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry, I thought this was the bathroom,” Steve said. “Leave.” Steve’s eyes shot up to meet Bucky’s, but Bucky quickly looked away. “Buck, I –” Steve started to say something but Bucky cut him off, “Steve, please. Go home.”

“This doesn’t change anything.” Bucky shook his head, “Steve, I mean it.” Steve’s eyes watered as he gave up. “I’m sorry,” he said again before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind him. Bucky threw the book that was on his bedside table at the wall as he shouted a string of curse words.

Steve waited outside of Bucky’s front door in hopes he would come out. After ten minutes he gave up and walked home. He felt selfish for crying, it was his fault this happened. Bucky hated him now and Steve could feel his chest caving in with guilt. He’s never felt such strong feelings for someone despite having relationships in the past. None of them even compared to Bucky, but he ruined it.

Bucky cried himself to sleep that night. This feeling was too familiar to him, but it never got easier. Despite Steve’s words, Bucky knew he needed to end it. He lied awake for hours wondering if he’d ever find love or if his insecurities would push everyone away. Although he hasn’t known Steve long, he felt a deep connection with him, but that was ruined now.

Steve woke up the next morning and sighed when he realized the previous night wasn’t a horrible nightmare. He checked his phone hoping that Bucky called or texted him, but there was nothing. His finger hovered over Bucky’s contact information but he ended up putting his phone back down. He’d give Bucky some space and then reach out to him.

Bucky obsessively checked his phone all day. He wanted Steve to reach out, but he also wanted Steve to stay far away. He tried everything to take his mind off of it, but nothing helped. He just sulked around his apartment and had a pity party for himself. This went on for three days. He was grateful that he was on a short break from work. Bucky didn’t want to leave his bed, let alone his apartment.

On the fourth day, Steve couldn’t take it. He got himself ready and called a taxi to get to Bucky’s apartment. His hand shook as he rang the doorbell. “Go away Steve,” he heard Bucky shout back. “Bucky, please. I want to talk.” Steve was begging and he knew he sounded desperate. “Why? So you can tell me I’m a freak? I don’t want to hear it.” Steve felt his heart sink. Is that how Bucky really saw himself?

“I don’t think that. Not in the slightest. Just open the door,” Steve’s voice softened. His frustration was gone now that he knew what Bucky felt. Silence fell over them and Steve sat down with his back against the door. “I know you’re still there,” Bucky said after a few minutes. “I won’t leave until we talk this out,” Steve said stubbornly.

“Guess you’ll die out there then,” he replied. Steve thought about breaking the door down or picking the lock, but he knew that would only make Bucky more upset. “I don’t want this to be over because I was an idiot Bucky. I don’t want to lose what we have,” he sighed before continuing, “I don’t want to lose you.”

Tears fell down Bucky’s face as he broke out into a quiet sob. “It’s too late,” Bucky’s voice was hoarse and Steve almost couldn’t hear him. Steve’s heart felt like someone put it through a paper shredder and then burnt the remains. “Goodbye Buck,” Steve said in defeat as he finally went back home. He felt like a ghost as he wandered the streets of Brooklyn. People shouted at him as he carelessly ran into them and he didn’t even acknowledge them.

Steve almost threw his phone at the wall when his alarm rang through his room. He slept for maybe two hours and now had to go suffer through an eight hour shift at work. It took everything in him to get in the shower and out the door. His mind was all over the place and he kept making stupid mistakes at work.

Bucky was the same way. He almost called in sick to work but he knew sitting around would only make it worse. He wanted to grab lunch at his favorite café, but he knew Steve would most likely be there. He lost his appetite once he pictured Steve eating there alone. Normally Bucky would be almost over it by now. None of the other guys he saw left this much of an effect on him.

After work, Steve met up with Tony to talk about what happened. “I thought he wouldn’t care about that with you. I knew you wouldn’t care either which is one of the reasons why I set you guys up,” Tony said. “I don’t care. I don’t see him any differently, he just doesn’t believe me.” Steve felt frustrated and defeated. He was losing hope that Bucky would ever talk to him again.

“Do you want me to talk to him? I might be able to talk some sense into him,” Tony offered. “I’m losing hope that he’ll listen to anyone at this point.” Steve let out a sigh. “You’re stubborn Steve. I know you aren’t letting him go that easily.” “He won’t listen to me, so what’s the point? I don’t want my heart to get broken every time he ignores me and pushes me away.”

“Look, I know this isn’t easy. I’ve seen Bucky do this so many times. You’re different. He never shuts up about you Steve. You have to keep trying. I don’t like seeing him miserable either,” Tony said. Steve didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if he should give it one more shot or to just let Bucky be alone. His stubbornness got the best of him and he decided to try again.

“One more chance and that’s it,” Steve swore. “Go get him,” Tony said with a small smile. They said their goodbyes and Steve practically ran to Bucky’s. His neighbor was leaving when Steve got to his door. “If you’re here for Bucky, he just left.” “Do you have any idea where he went?” Steve knew it was a long shot, but he was desperate. 

“Not a clue.” Bucky’s neighbor pushed past him. Steve ran back home thinking Bucky had the same idea as him. He was disappointed when he didn’t see him standing on Steve’s front door. He went inside to warm up and decided to try calling him. He frowned when it went straight to voicemail. 

“Hey Buck, it’s me. Uh, you probably know since there’s caller I.D. Anyways, I just wanted to say I’m not giving up. I’m not letting you push me away this easily. I don’t care about your arm. I know I was staring, and that was rude, but I was just caught off guard. You’re still the same old Bucky I fell for. This doesn’t change that. Just please call me back.” 

He hung up and waited. The night went on and he never heard anything from Bucky. When it hit three in the morning, he gave up and went to bed. Meanwhile, Bucky kept replaying the voicemail. After so many times listening to it, he deleted it. He thought about blocking Steve’s number but he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Not yet.

Steve called every day for a week. Bucky listened to his voicemails every day but continued to delete them. When Steve came to his apartment, Bucky was quiet as a mouse and pretended he wasn’t home. Bucky damned him for being so stubborn, but he had to admit, he was impressed. None of the guys from his past did this. 

Them running into each other happened like a scene from a movie. Bucky was replying to a text while walking to get lunch when he bumped into someone. “Sorry, that was my bad,” he heard Steve say as he picked up his phone. “Steve?” Bucky’s voice almost came out in a whisper. Steve didn’t even realize it was him. “Bucky, um, hi,” Steve said nervously. He had rehearsed what he wanted to say so many times in his head, but he was speechless now.

“Hi,” Bucky said with an uncomfortable laugh. They looked at each other in silence. Bucky hadn’t shaved and Steve was really liking his facial hair. He noticed his dark circles and knew he hasn’t been sleeping either. He didn’t know if that made him hopeful that he missed him too or sad. “How have you been?” Steve asked. He felt like an idiot for making small talk. 

“I’ve been better. You?” “Yeah, same.” Silence fell over them again. “Alright, fuck it,” Steve said and Bucky was surprised, he’s never heard Steve curse, “I need to say something –” Bucky cut him off. “Not here.” Bucky had a point, they were standing in the middle of the sidewalk. “My place?” Steve offered. Bucky agreed and they awkwardly walked there together. 

When they got there, Bucky smiled at how his place was decorated. There was a lot of blue and red. He had his Christmas decorations up and the place was filled with little knick knacks. It fit Steve. Steve poured him and Bucky some hot chocolate and joined Bucky on his couch. “I take it you have something you want to say,” Bucky teased. Steve couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“Uh, yeah. I don’t know if you listened to my voicemails or not. I hope you did, but anyways, I meant everything I said. I don’t care about your arm Buck. I’m not mad you hid it from me. I’m not upset you did either. I’m upset you think I would be turned away by it. I like you for you. Metal arm or not, you’re still Bucky to me. That will never change. You could be made of metal for all I care and I’d still be here. I’d still be in love with you.”

Steve froze when he realized what he just said. “I uh, fuck,” he laughed nervously, “that was sudden. I’m sorry.” Bucky’s face softened and he took a deep breath, “I was an idiot Steve. I’ve gotten hurt before and I’m used to pushing people away either before or after they know about my arm. I’m embarrassed by it. I should’ve realized you wouldn’t care. I should’ve said something earlier, but I never know how to do it. Also, don’t apologize because I love you too you dork.”

Steve’s face lit up. “I feel relieved. I thought you’d think I was weird for saying it so soon.” Bucky shook his head, “I’m glad you did.” Steve wanted to ask Bucky to see his arm again, this time up close, but he was nervous. “You can see it Steve, I know you want to ask,” Bucky said like he read his mind. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t okay with.” Bucky nodded. He was finally ready. 

His hands were shaking as he unbuttoned his coat and took his shirt off. He’s never let someone see it so closely. Steve’s hand hovered it over it, “Can I touch it?” Bucky nodded and sucked in his breath when Steve ran his hand over it. It felt cold but Steve’s hands were warm against it. He noticed the red star detail on it and traced the outline. “How’d it happen? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“I lost it in the war a few years back. Thought it’d be gone forever. I was hesitant to get it, but I thought I’d give it a shot. I regretted it for so long because people looked at me and treated me differently. But you’re different.” Steve continued feeling every part of it and Bucky didn’t stop him. Instead, he held Steve’s hand and guided it. 

“It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful,” Steve whispered. He grabbed his hand and started kissing up his arm. The metal was cold against his lips making them look more red when he was done. Bucky’s eyes flickered down to his lips and back up to his eyes. Steve picked up on the hint and pressed his lips against Bucky’s. 

They’ve kissed before, but it was nothing like this. They let everything out and neither one held back. All of the frustration and sadness turned into passion and lust. Steve missed the taste and feel of Bucky’s lips against his. It was something he had gotten so used to and he missed it. He noticed Bucky smile into the kiss and he couldn’t help but do the same. Bucky loved how Steve always smelled like cinnamon, it was intoxicating.

When Steve finally broke away, he was out of breath. No kiss has ever left him breathless like that, but Bucky had that effect on him. “Damn, I missed that,” Bucky said with a grin. Steve smiled, “I did too. I missed you.” Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand with his metal one and sighed. “I’d never thought I’d be doing this,” he admitted.

“I’m glad you are. I love you Buck,” Steve said again. Bucky could listen to him say that all day long and not get tired of it. “I love you too Steve.” Bucky kissed him again, another thing he could spend the rest of his life doing. He felt truly happy and comfortable for the first in his life all thanks to Steve Rogers.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys enjoyed!! this is only my second steve/bucky fic. i'd appreciate feedback and for you to check out the other one! let me know if you want me to write more


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